Tomatoes are Evil

I've long suspected it, and finally it's been confirmed: tomatoes are evil. They are the devil's produce, and they'll suck out your soul if you let them. Do you want proof? Look no further than the Encyclopedia Britannica, which reveals that the tomato is a member of the deadly Nightshade family, which also includes such poisonous plants as belladonna. Convinced yet? If not, consider this: if you've ever watched a horror movie, you'll know that red, like the devil, is evil. Case closed. Now tomato sauce, on the other hand, especially when slathered over pizza crust and covered with mozzarella cheese and nice, thick chunks of Canadian Bacon, if the closest you can get to heaven without actually going there yourself. Who knew the simple tomato could be so versatile?